Ab Initio
by Her Timelord
Summary: Harm used to keep a journal, well, when he could be bothered and he only jotted down whatever he felt like about at the time, mostly cases. Mac and Harm find it one day and Harm lets Mac read it at her leisure. We follow her discoveries. Based on season 1
1. Pilot

**A/N:** Based around JAG season one episodes each chapter is an episode not all episodes will be represented. Ab Initio means the beginning.

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_Pilot_

She's glad and sad for Harm at the same time. She's glad he found out a bit more about his father that his mother would never have known about, but she's annoyed that he still feels like he has to prove himself. If not to himself or to his father's illusory shadow, to her but she's long since been impressed. She knows who he is and there's nothing that's going to change that.

She hopes.

But hearing his early thoughts on Bud and Bud's career bring a smile to Mac's face, she wonders briefly what Bud thought of Harm when they first met. Though she thinks it's pretty clear from the tone of Harm's written words, amusement and a tickled ego she reads between the lines easily. In fact in one line she doesn't even need to read between them.

_The kid's eyes shone when he told me he could make sure that it was ready for me, I've never seen that near anyone's face other than in post-coital bliss_.

Mac smirked, at a younger Harm's words. She'd try and see if she could make his eyes shine like that when he got back from work later today, she smiled to herself as she closed the diary and stood up to get some dinner cooking.


	2. Shadow

**A/N:** Disclaimer I don't own these characters. Words in _italics_ are Harm's extracts from his journal.

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Shadow

_And then he spat out the code like it was toxic waste, and Lt. Austin managed to type it in on 'time' to deactivate the bomb much to his relief. Ours too of course, but then _we_ knew we had at least ten more minutes, Austin might have cracked it. And even if she hadn't we wouldn't have been afraid to die as much of that… I'll save the ink for something more useful shall I? After all he's getting what he deserves no need to call names. Ha. Lt. Austin would be rolling her eyes if she saw me now, saving ink and not losing my temper? Well, I kept it under hat most of this case I don't think she knew how much worse it could have been. And she might have been right when she said that I had redirected her emotions to focus anger on myself, but really it had helped me too._

She wonders if he ever realized how close to blowing up their submarine actually was or if he had trusted Austin's advice and stayed well away from her when she had been trying to crack the system. She doesn't need to know these things but it interests her, just like doing the extra work on a case did. She doesn't need to be reading his journals or as he'd prefer to call them logs, but she is since she's interested in knowing the man before she met him. And to see if she can spot any events that caused certain personality traits to emerge. Kind of like a jigsaw puzzle she thought, fitting the little details together to show her a complete and whole Harmon Rabb Junior.

She decided to let the next entry wait, maybe next week she'd read it. Or maybe later today, either way it wasn't going to change the past. Plus, she had the real thing now, one real, sexy, hunk of a fly boy that had just walked in through the door.

The journal could wait.


	3. Déjà Vu

_Déjà vu_

She wonders if he still thinks of Gym. Of course he does, she scoffs at her thoughts. She was his first love interest, and she _died_. She doesn't think it can get anymore heartbreaking than that. She tries not to contemplate if she was a replacement Gym for him. She knows in her heart that she isn't. But that isn't what a stray thought that crosses her mind before being squashed thinks.

She knows there are certain similarities; being brunette the most obvious. But again it's more than likely that he's truly attracted to brunettes.

She doesn't think anything more of it for the rest of the day.

Later he walks through the doorway in some rumple clothes a bag swung over his shoulder, and as he heads to the shower and she's absentmindedly flicking through a clothes catalogue her ears catch something and she freezes left hand mid-air.

"…Gym"

She feels as though her heart stopped for a moment.

_Gym_.

She tries hard to focus and breathe, had she been ignoring it this _whole_ time? And could she continue to live with the knowledge in her conscious thoughts every day.

"Sarah?"

She looks up to see him hanging around the corner of their bedroom door his torso bare and sweaty the shirt he'd just pulled off his back crumpled between his hands and a look of concern crossing his face.

"Sarah, I asked if you were alright. Are you okay?" he steps back into the open plan room towards her.

She looks at herself and realizes that her hand is still mid-air and pulls it to her lap.

"Yeah, sure I'm fine. What did you just say when you came in Harm, I mustn't have been paying attention," She murmurs.

He looks at her trying to figure out if she telling the truth and decides to play along with her game for now, but he knew Mac never got distracted easily something was up, "I said, sorry I forgot to call earlier to say that Jeff and I were going to hit the gym after work. And I was going to have a shower now, since you know how I am after being at the gym." He had kept his eyes on her face the whole time he had answered her looking for an indicator of what was to come.

He saw_ relief_?

Harm looked at Mac confused as he had been expecting anger or some type of witty remark.

Then she started laughing, which he raised a confused eyebrow at.

She stops and looks at him and sighs out "Gym."

He still can't connect the wayward lines, so she gives in a little.

"I thought you'd called me Gym." She waits for an accusation or look of hurt to cross his face, she's ready.

But then a look of realization crosses his face and is quickly replaced by something she hadn't expected, compassion. And he drops his shirt and finishes crossing the room to her, pulls her off the stool and stands there hugging her, pulling her tighter to him, wedging her fully between his sweaty arms and chest.

She knows he knows that she's read up to the case with the Thai embassy but she can't seem to look him in the eyes right now; she's embarrassed by her behavior.

"I would never. I have never." She feels his soft voice against her skin, "Mac, Sarah. You've gotta believe me, I've never ever compared the two of you." She feels him squeeze her tighter, and she doesn't know if it's his actions or his words cutting off her air supply.

"She's long gone, for better or for worse. And you're all I have and want right now." He rubs his nose against her cheek and then lets her go, stepping back to see her face. When he realizes that she won't look up, he gently pushes her chin up with his hand, and leaves it there touching her.

"You, Sarah MacKenzie, are all I need and want. You got that?"

She can't help but let a tear roll down her face, which Harm immediately wipes away letting go of her chin.

"Why the tears Mac?" he asks.

She shakes her head, "because I've been stupid. I hadn't meant to make such a deal out of it, I just…I guess it was the fact that you never really mentioned her to me like you wrote in your log that you discussed her with Angelique."

He smiled softly at her, "I guess I haven't have I? Well, I think… I think it's more because I don't think about her as much anymore. Don't need to."

She shakes her head at him, "You're the sappy one today mister."

She then points towards their bedroom, "Go! Go shower, you're filthy! Argh, I can't believe I let you hold me!" she grins as she complains at him, her face conveying the exact opposite of her words.

"And no forgetting to collect your two million," she adds as he passes his shirt without picking it up, he turns and glances down at the shirt then grins mischievously over his shoulder back at her, "Just come and make me marine!"

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**A/N:** It might be a while for another chapter these three were ones I had already written, before deciding to post. If you liked any of these please leave a little comment or review. Thank you.


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